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TAR Anon Steps – ultimately leading to TAR Anon Promises – will help Survivors of Toxic Abusive Relationships (STARs) address their CPTSD, establish boundaries for themselves, avoid TAR Pits, be more mindful of being TARgeted, integrate a trauma-informed approach to befriend their nervous system in all daily activities, reparent their lives, break transgenerational trauma, and understand triggers and red flags to prevent future TAR. The purpose of Steps is to find Awareness, Transformation, and Self-Love.
I need to understand, through radical acceptance, that my life is unmanageable as a result of the relationship that I have with myself and the relationship that I bring to others.
I commit to being open to change, through self-compassion and self-forgiveness, pursuing the only path of self-love through either embracing a Higher Power or an Inner Spirit of my understanding.
I commit to the radical acceptance and understanding that I cannot change or be responsible for anyone else’s behavior but my own.
I commit to understanding and embracing the reasons for my childhood patterns – they have no place in my life as a healthy adult.
I will work with my TAR Mentor and seek out other reliable resources to embrace the patterns of my childhood and understand how they’ve driven my life choices thus far.
I will commit to making conscious decisions in choosing only healthy people who have boundaries, who meet me half-way in our relationships, who have empathy and compassion, and who will help me avoid TAR Pits in my life.
I commit to re-parent myself by being fair, consistent, and available to develop emotional intelligence and psychological safety.
I commit to taking my oxygen first and caring for my own mind, body, and spirit before dealing with any other individual in my life.
I commit to choosing a transformative path that allows me to understand the journey to my own emotional regulation and how important it is in my life today for myself and the world around me.
I commit to develop a family of choice and seek out only healthy people in my life who can bear unconditional witness to my journey of recovery.
I commit to being accountable for my own behavior and not feel that I am responsible for others’ responses.
I seek to pay forward a new and renewed authenticity with the knowledge that I am only responsible for my effort and not responsible for the outcomes.
Having worked these steps, I now commit to befriend myself and my neurological system in order to find psychological and emotional safety for myself, for the world around me, and for the future generations to come.